HOME | DD
PatchworkLynx — ghost flavor
#highschool #i_feel_better_i_really_do #black #bronze #clockwork #college #dream #dreams #gold #gray #green #nightmares #poem #poems #poetry #purple #silver #patchworklynx #i_wrote_this_in_my_head_and_then_wrote_it_on_my_phone_so_thats_why_the_line_breaks_are_just_wherever_they_happened_to_fall #i_am_finally_going_to_share_the_photos_and_stuff_with_yall #tomorrow_i_promise
Published: 2017-09-17 22:18:38 +0000 UTC; Views: 723; Favourites: 23; Downloads: 0
Redirect to original
Description
advice from a lifeless girl:don't ever tell someone "i hope all your
dreams come true."
that would be cruel, you know.
nightmares are dreams too.
i don't have nightmares, actually.
since i've given up my dreams, the world is
clockwork. iron but rusted. gold silver
bronze, in need of a polish.
6:59 am. roaring cars. the sunrise and
static sky prods me a little bit awake.
12:45 am. crickets and howling dogs. my
gaze throws itself into the darkness and
doesn't return.
4:03 pm. i stare at the blank walls and
they stare back.
i test the words on my tongue.
i'm not human. i'm not human. i'm not
human? i'm not
a voice grabs me by the shoulders and
shakes.
you haven't given up on creation. you still
bake cakes every sunday and play music
for strangers.
on the inside, i'm shades of crimson, like
everyone.
on the out, i'm black gray purple and
green, swear to all your friends i'm the
most haunted girl you've ever seen.
on paper, i'm everything they want.
i no longer know what i want.
Related content
Comments: 19
Hi! I'm doing critiques for this year's Critmas and I've selected one of your pieces!
Firstly, I love all the subtle rhymes sprinkled throughout this!
dreams come true // nightmares are dreams too
green, swear to all your friends i'm the // most haunted girl you've ever seen.
And all the times and short, vignette-like sentences in the third stanza are like snapshots into a life, but a life that is almost parallel to my own.
I like the the fourth stanza, too, using the common phrase that means "we're all the same", but then comparing that to the different colors (ace-pride flag? green like flora, new, jealousy, or sickness?) was a very nice way of showing differences.
I only have one recommendation:
static sky prod me a little bit awake.
The line is somewhat awkward on the tongue; mabye try "prods me awake"? I looked for something else to fill in, but everything still felt like too much.
Again, wonderful poem, and the title is strange and lovable!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
bree you are the absolute best
the fourth stanza was like catharsis to write, honestly, when the days were blurring together. the colors in the fifth stanza are indeed referring to the ace and aro flags 
you have a good point about that line; i wrote it that way as a grammar stickler, but it does sound too...blocked, so i think i'll change it. thank you so much for the critique!!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Oh, I didn't even think of purple as being poisonous! Clever!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
oh, darling, i have goosebumps. this is haunting and it tastes of cloudy-day sunshine and it is everything i needed right now. i love you so much.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
so honored <3 thank you, eileen
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
how am i supposed to write anything about this when i'm left absolutely speechless.
( but i loved the insight about dreams and nightmares plus people and paper. it felt like you were painting at some point, not writing. wow. )
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
that's such a huge compliment you're so sweet omg thank you!!!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Okay, I don't know if my last comment turned out right, but it was supposed to be a heart. Anyway, nice poen
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
haha thank you, dear <3
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
thank you <3
(it's sort of concerning that everyone is saying this is relatable)
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
i can relate to this as well, i love the introspective, almost passive mood of it
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
this is really beautiful and relatable ha i hope you're doing okay
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
i'm happy you found it beautiful and yes i'm much better now
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
