HOME | DD

Description
Freedom is not so easily found
Living in this world.

Each home is like it's own mini system
within greater society.

Some of us are brought up to be
Forcibly submitting,
Neglected with unmet needs,
and little autonomy.

Being a good parent requires more
than what some seem able to give.

Listen, love, accept.
Be more rational, logical, and regulated.

These things are not so easy to achieve
when coming from such dysfunctional families.

Forgiveness.

Forgive myself,
for I cannot meet my such high standards.
I know my very real struggles and difficulties.

Forgive others,
for they cannot always meet my high standards.
They as well come from their own struggles,
suffer their own dysfunctions,
and walk a seperate path than I.

It is okay.
It is alright.

Given all the facts of life,
if I find a different frame of mind,
I may see more good inside.

Perhaps the stories I construct inside,
do not have to and may not be reality.

It's not so easy in this life
When I am so highly sensitive,
Intense,
and traumatically paranoid.

Forgiveness.

I am going on a trip. I have painted this before I leave. The paint is still wet.
It is hard for me to be around people, even family.
I suffer from Paranoid Personality Disorder.
It's a very complex thing.
Being around family reminds me of my past, of my struggles.
Especially since emotionally manipulative language as well as open judgement is so common. I can find it hard to want to express myself, as well as form boundaries.
Such things spark automatic anger and anxiety. I have been having more nightmares and disrupted sleep than usual leading up to this, but I make these sacrifices mostly for my wife.
I will be sharing a house with the family, but I am bringing my art supplies, as well as journals and instruments to be able to get through it. Perhaps it will not be as bad as I anticipate.
Other people's actions do not need to impact me so much, and knowing how people and my family are, perhaps I can make the best decisions for myself.
I still am unsure if it was a good idea for me to go, but perhaps I will find out and learn more about myself, my own limits, my own growth, and more in the process. As well as enjoy some things.

Description
Freedom is not so easily found
Living in this world.

Each home is like it's own mini system
within greater society.

Some of us are brought up to be
Forcibly submitting,
Neglected with unmet needs,
and little autonomy.

Being a good parent requires more
than what some seem able to give.

Listen, love, accept.
Be more rational, logical, and regulated.

These things are not so easy to achieve
when coming from such dysfunctional families.

Forgiveness.

Forgive myself,
for I cannot meet my such high standards.
I know my very real struggles and difficulties.

Forgive others,
for they cannot always meet my high standards.
They as well come from their own struggles,
suffer their own dysfunctions,
and walk a seperate path than I.

It is okay.
It is alright.

Given all the facts of life,
if I find a different frame of mind,
I may see more good inside.

Perhaps the stories I construct inside,
do not have to and may not be reality.

It's not so easy in this life
When I am so highly sensitive,
Intense,
and traumatically paranoid.

Forgiveness.

I am going on a trip. I have painted this before I leave. The paint is still wet.
It is hard for me to be around people, even family.
I suffer from Paranoid Personality Disorder.
It's a very complex thing.
Being around family reminds me of my past, of my struggles.
Especially since emotionally manipulative language as well as open judgement is so common. I can find it hard to want to express myself, as well as form boundaries.
Such things spark automatic anger and anxiety. I have been having more nightmares and disrupted sleep than usual leading up to this, but I make these sacrifices mostly for my wife.
I will be sharing a house with the family, but I am bringing my art supplies, as well as journals and instruments to be able to get through it. Perhaps it will not be as bad as I anticipate.
Other people's actions do not need to impact me so much, and knowing how people and my family are, perhaps I can make the best decisions for myself.
I still am unsure if it was a good idea for me to go, but perhaps I will find out and learn more about myself, my own limits, my own growth, and more in the process. As well as enjoy some things.