HOME | DD

Description
Let me try to make this as clear as possible. I have been thinking about me being on DeviantArt and wondering a few thoughts. What is my purpose for being here? Have I actually wasted a few years on a site that did little to help me improve? Why does anyone even look at my drawings especially since I'm an amateur? Do the individuals who happen to fave my pics even care to learn about the descriptions I took too much time to write/type? What is the point of having watchers if they do not care about my submissions? Why bother asking for requests and/or commissions or even speaking to others when I'm just a nobody? Well, the answers can be figured out.

I'll be honest, the reason why I have an account was due to my friend asking me to in order to talk with them, but they haven't responded due to their busy schedule.

Now I do not know if I have wasted my time here, but there are a number of artists whose artwork/style I find interesting. There are a number of other artists whose artwork appalls, annoys, disturbs or just plain disgusts me, so I have mixed feelings about DeviantArt specifically and wonder whether or not I should leave this site altogether.

I don't understand why people even view my pics/drawings because the sad truth is that I am an amateur compared so many other artists who have real talent. Me, I am just lazy, but I have too many ideas in my head that I might not be able to put on paper mostly due to the little motivation I have, the little space I may have on a piece of paper or me being sidetracked. I'm aware that many would rather see pics more refined or at the very least in color, but you have to understand that I am terrible and indecisive when it comes to official coloring and if you take a gander at my colored drawings you will see what I mean.

Now while I appreciate others adding my pics into their favorites, I feel that they do not take time to learn about the OCs I created by reading their descriptions or rather their stories/bios and just fave them for their looks. As strange as you may think, I personally think that one cannot simply claim they like a concept of a character without getting to know them, same as in life when people meet new people. I can't say that I read a lot of descriptions myself, but that is due to the majority of these artwork being fanart of official anime/manga/cartoon/comic/game characters, therefore nothing to learn and not to mention that most of these artists don't bother making a description. Some people read my descriptions, but many others do not.

Now I know I shouldn't complain about having watchers, but the way I see it is that watchers are those who truly adore or admire one's artwork and wishes to support them. See, only a small number of watchers I happen to have genuinely like my artwork mostly due me being supposedly creative, but the rest don't seem to even care about my submissions. I feel that the only reason they add me to their watch list was to "repay back a debt/my kindness" for faving their artwork and I noticed that they do the same with many others by adding them to their watch list just to be nice, not because they like their art. That frustrates me completely because I would rather have watchers who genuinely like my pics and would either fave or comment some of them or better yet I would rather have a few to no watchers than have an array a watchers who don't care for my art and ideas or if I even exist. I dislike it when people are dishonest and give out false hopes, becoming nothing more than just empty space on a list. You have no right to watch someone without giving a good reason which is why I become greatly upset when others watch me for no apparent reason and call me their "friend" when they do not even know me. There were a few watchers who did the decent gesture and removed me from their watch list because I do not want them to watch me only to get disappointed in the end. I ask you to not watch me if you don't care for my art, don't watch because you feel like you owe me, don't watch if you figure "what the hell, why not." Only watch others if you truly like their art, ideas or creations and wish to support them, otherwise you are pretty much wasting their time as well as your own.

As for requests and commissions, I cannot stress how much they annoy me whether I ask for them or if someone asks me. As I heard and read, requests are rather personal since not just anyone can ask for requests. Requests are normally between friends, partners and artists of equal skill or interest, which is why I, as well as many others, find it frustrating that one cannot simply ask for a request because these talented artists do not work for free. Commissions are also a major problem for someone like me, simply due to these artists literally asking for money just to make one little pic, though I can understand if the picture is refined. Commissions are basically like customer service; you have to pay the artist of choice, usually with actual money or very rarely with points, and have them make any kind of pic of your desire. I am basically a nobody to these artists; just another empty number, I literally have no money to offer and barely have any points, so I cannot ask for either requests or commissions. Trying to reach out and speak with others does not seem to help either because these artists seem to not care if I give them a simple comment/compliment on their work. This makes me feel that I am wasting my time trying to be nice to talented artists since they regularly get compliments everyday, as if they are used to it and it would not surprise them if they receive one more from a nobody like me, making it quite clear that my existence does not matter to them, not to mention that these artists tend to be a little "choosy" as they only respond to or say thanks to those who just so happens to be popular, talented or whose specific comments might catch their eyes. I feel a bit ignored and there maybe those who would block me out apparently for no reason, I am a virtual unknown lost in a society of weird, careless, selfish, shallow or degenerate people who could care less about a nobody like me. Sometimes I act like it doesn't bother me, but it truly makes me feel like I am pathetic for even trying to connect with others and invisible to those I thought would understand me. For the record, I do not want others asking me for requests when I have absolutely no interest in their personal desires, especially if its a subject I do not like and no commissions either because I am just an amateur sketch artist and I am aware of my own limitations. Many artists prefer to draw, sketch, paint, color and create pics mostly if its in their best interests. I might only accept collabs since both artists will be doing the work instead of just one, which is why I tend to turn down requests and commissions.

I'm not trying to be pessimistic, just speaking the honest truth. This is a message for those who think about faving, watching, commenting or even viewing my pics. Think before you make a decision that can potentially make me more distant and frustrated. Thank you for your time.