Comments: 30
Anime-Angelz In reply to Phoenixofdarkness62 [2011-01-25 03:18:23 +0000 UTC]
Ahahah, neither did I, but I got close a few times OTL SO GLAD I CHICKENED OUT AHAHAHHA
... Thank you. Thank you very much. :')
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star-dream [2011-01-24 22:01:23 +0000 UTC]
i'm honest anough to say that we are who we want to be.
that there are like zillion stories showing all of them who failed and how pointless it is to beleive in something more cause even the best of the souls fell disapointingly.but my dreams will never die and the cruel and the cold can just rip all the hair of their heads but it will not change that. the moment we give up ourselves,we give up ourselves,we live someone other's life because the pain is just to big.but the pain is so sweet when you know the failiure will fall for the first time.the first colorfull part,change the world part,it is me on some way.all the colorfull i have may be exploited by some dark souls once i'm gone but it doesn't matter,cause they weren't right,i followed my dreams forever,i was the one not to fall. so even if i'm gone one day,it doesn't matter.i am who i am and i feel great.it isn't about the dreams its about the dreamer,someday someone may take all i had and cherished and ruthlessly rip it apart but i carrie my dreams in my soul,they can never take me away from me
this is about what this awakes in me
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DigitalSp0rk [2011-01-24 05:31:02 +0000 UTC]
Your usage of imagery is here is very nice. I could easily picture exactly what you were trying to get across. (Dust motes danced a slow, aimless waltz in the light Dear lord, I love that line.) That being said, there were a few places where the flow wasn't all that smooth. Transition sentences are hard, I understand that. I have lots of trouble writing them sometimes. They're also so so so important. There were also a few parts that needed commas instead of constantly using the word 'and'. While on the topic of commas, there were a few misplaced ones so look for that a little more in the future. The beginning was very strong and reading it again I think "Damn!" but it kind of lost that as the piece progressed. The last few paragraphs weren't all bad though, they gave the piece a definitive theme, and it's really good to have that being the last thing that a piece gives a reader.
All in all, I liked it. I'm agreeing with the other comments when I say that you're really strong when it comes to imagery. I loved your similes, metaphors and all that jazz. Keep at it!
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Anime-Angelz In reply to DigitalSp0rk [2011-01-24 05:45:18 +0000 UTC]
Oh thank you very much! That's one of my favorite lines too C:
And I'll watch out for those things next time, thank you!
I appreciate the critique, not everyone is willing to be honest enough to include the mistakes one may have made hahahha. Thank you C:
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DigitalSp0rk In reply to Anime-Angelz [2011-01-24 05:48:14 +0000 UTC]
No problem dear, critiques like these are the reason I started the group C:
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Fire-Sonic [2011-01-23 20:38:49 +0000 UTC]
I really like this. It really hit home for me somehow. Fantastic work, I love the imagery and detail.
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Anime-Angelz In reply to Fire-Sonic [2011-01-23 21:42:26 +0000 UTC]
Thank you very much, I'm glad it touched you in some way C:
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Anime-Angelz In reply to aprilwednesday [2011-01-23 19:52:28 +0000 UTC]
Thank you so much! It's kind of special to be hearing this from YOU, YOU OF ALL PEOPLE, because you are such a brilliant writer and your stories can bend emotions within seconds.
So hearing this, FROM YOU, makes me extremely happy inside <3
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Kiwi-Cupcake [2011-01-23 18:53:43 +0000 UTC]
This is so sad, but very well written.
You did a really good job~
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KylaBear [2011-01-23 17:41:36 +0000 UTC]
This makes me want to draw sad bloody things.
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Anime-Angelz In reply to KylaBear [2011-01-23 18:54:24 +0000 UTC]
I don't think that's a good thing.
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Kitty-xx [2011-01-23 13:27:42 +0000 UTC]
That was a very sad story..
...But I liked it.
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Sabamenides [2011-01-23 10:06:26 +0000 UTC]
Great story. It tugs at a sensitive string in the mind, a place we all have been in some way or another, and from an unsettling perspective.
I must say you truly have a way with words. Everything I said about your last story can be applied to this one, too. There's the rhythmical pauses, separating high and low moods into paragraphs, displaying hope, love, and despair clearly and one at a time. It is that very clearness what is to be praised the most: your stories are so well written that one can dive right in and enjoy it to the fullest, understanding it completely with little effort, and it is still a meaningful and complex story. For example, the last sentence of the next-to-last paragraph is so heavily loaded with sadness and regret, seen from a mother's point of view, that it's physically painful, even when I have never been in such a situation. It takes real skill and emotion to do that with just words.
As for the topic: sadly, distrust and selfishness are pandemic, virulent and highly contagious. They are the prime causes of endless human suffering. It's impossible not to get infected, and the only thing left to do is to hold the sickness at bay for as long as possible. With a smile.
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Anime-Angelz In reply to Sabamenides [2011-01-24 01:12:13 +0000 UTC]
Thank you very much! This story is actually kind of like an exaggerated version of my life in reverse.
LOL I'm actually kind of amazed by what you're saying, because I wrote this really late last night and I wasn't really paying attention to what I was writing AHAHAH.
And smiling gets me by.
I really appreciate your comments. They make me extremely happy to read C:
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Sabamenides In reply to Anime-Angelz [2011-01-24 04:33:14 +0000 UTC]
You know, I've found that "really late at night" makes great stories. It may be because all of the emotions of the day get mixed and pour out in the privacy of one's room; the mix of experiences, privacy and fatigue lifts many barriers. Excepting the rare moments when a sudden inspiration lights me, I always write by night.
The fact that you didn't pay attention and the result was still a very good story speaks wonders of your skill. I guess you must like reading books a lot- I believe it is mostly through reading that one absorbs the "formal" aspects of writing. Even if you don't really pay attention, your mind is always working behind the scenes. However, no matter how perfect the form is, a story has no life if the writer doesn't pour emotion into it. And that requires a sincere spirit, one that lives with open eyes and isn't afraid of emotions, like yours.
And I'm glad you appreciate my comments; I only comment when I truly feel the need to say something, and I do so hoping that my words will be received with a smile.
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star-dream In reply to Sabamenides [2011-01-24 22:43:25 +0000 UTC]
maybe it is that deep exactly because she didn't payed attention.in the night we are weak and we can't think about all the things we think at daylight so the mind is used better,focused only on the things truely important to us.the ultimate effect of this can be seen once we fall asleep and create the entire world so real as the real world,entirely with our mind and feelings that go around it,whether it is a fairy tale or a horror story that makes us afraid to look in our backyard for months afraid not to see - yourself.. in the night when the curtain falls or in life when its over you wish for a second chance,you say,i'll do better next time.and in the morning,it all fades away and some of us make the same mistakes to regret them in the night.strange how when you loose something it matters the most,how when its over,our mind opens and how we take everything for granted.. what if there is no other time? .. a bit off topic but my point has to do with the story,perhaps in the lines of that the time won't wait for us,perhaps that we are strong anough to do whatever we want but we take time for granted.perhaps: "so you wanna change the world,what are you waiting for?" .. sorry for all my long replies,i'm just a person that sometimes talks a lot.
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Nianoha [2011-01-23 09:27:32 +0000 UTC]
very nice!
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Anime-Angelz In reply to Nianoha [2011-01-23 18:54:54 +0000 UTC]
Thank you very much C:
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