KaitForest In reply to successwithhonor [2018-09-30 01:53:06 +0000 UTC]

ty

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KaitForest In reply to successwithhonor [2018-02-19 06:15:25 +0000 UTC]

thank you!! 

(yes, for a while, haha)

(how u been)

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successwithhonor In reply to KaitForest [2018-02-19 09:50:48 +0000 UTC]

i've been goood. content at least.  moved to hawaii for a new job and not too lonely yet (?)

how r u??

//ahhh tbh i didn't expect so immediate of a response.  it's been rather quiet around here lately.
(((are you still writing??)))

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KaitForest In reply to successwithhonor [2018-02-20 20:58:41 +0000 UTC]

hawaii! envy. i was just looking at TFA Hawaii and thought about shooting them an application--but decided not to as a station there isn't guaranteed ;~; y god

how is it?

i'm ok! i talk myself out of using social media once a week to focus on creative shit so i think i'm complicit in that silence. i decided on my bday dA isn't SM (in the sense that it crushes creativity). so here i am (until further notice). i applied to a handful of fully funded creative writing programs across the US and am currently dealing with waves of rejection   but otherwise, surviving. 

((i am!!!!!! just badly, haha))

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successwithhonor In reply to KaitForest [2018-02-20 23:57:51 +0000 UTC]

you totally should apply! (worst case nothing happens and you're back at square one, right?)
did you submit elsewhere??

it's nice. beautiful. i guess i'm still in the honeymoon phase so the loneliness hasn't set in 
(i'm the youngest in my office by like 20 years/don't really have any friends out here)
but there's a sort of calm. like i'm okay with just letting myself be for once. idk.

that's actually such a good idea! my SM procrastination is godawful lol, tho it's like the one strand of connection i have w the rest of the world for now (i guess).
but yay, that makes me happy!

and ahh, the joys of the commodified art world in america (what? i'm not bitter O.o). i envy you though, despite. i wish i could/would commit like that.

((yay!!! & i don't believe you  ))

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KaitForest In reply to successwithhonor [2018-02-21 19:07:43 +0000 UTC]

worst case: they accept me, i accept them, i'm deployed elsewhere in ohio, i'm stuck there for a year. joke. i just want a job that overlooks the pacific framed by palm trees. is that too much to ask??

that's unfortunate. how long have you been there? one of my biggest uprooting fears is the isolation and strangeness of a new place (like "heart of darkness" but less dramatic... and deaths). but i admire you for taking the plunge. in time you will settle in like home. unable to imagine life before. (i'm so jealous. so jealous, haha). 

being on an island in the remote pacific--i get that. i think i'd keep SM for the sake of connection. (maybe. would also delete for more potent and compact new-world immersion) (escapism is my greatest fantasy) (more jealousy, lel)

less commitment and more depraved need to be challenged. i've been in the same city my whole life, leaving only in spurts to visit new places and return. the goal: a new place, new job, new life. quarter-life crisis except i've been thinking it for the last eight years. i only have the means and mobility now. 

question: is the internet in hawaii bad? my friends talking me out of applying to TAF have said the internet is bad. ("cable lines run through the bottom of the ocean" (how true is that?)) educate me.

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successwithhonor In reply to KaitForest [2018-02-21 21:32:18 +0000 UTC]

i certainly don't think it's unreasonable! you just need to be open to be putting yourself out there— which it seems like you are
(lol @ me giving life advice like i'm not just bumping into things looking for food)

honestly i'm not at all worried about it tho (probs to the increased worry of my fam lol). i sort of like being alone. 
or rather fear commitment. (like i said, i'm still in the honeymoon phase).

less commitment and more depraved need to be challenged i feel that, ugh. the biggest part of the challenge is just taking the plunge.
it's a lot easier to make changes when everything is new. (i fear complacency so in that sense i guess i've been running for awhile now). 
you totally should take a/the chance tho! it sounds like you're in a great place/headspace about these bigger questions. i have the utmost faith in you.

answer: LOL. absolutely not. being on an island, things are definitely more expensive tho. my office internet is satellite, so i guess there are occasional outages during storms (which realistically rarely happens).  there is quite an extensive submarine cable network that a lot of people rely on tho.  (which i really know very little about, and your inquiry has had me looking into it— it's actually pretty wild). i've literally only been here like 3.5 weeks tho, so i'm not the best for hawaii education purposes, lol.  (((i haven't had any problems tho)))

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KaitForest In reply to successwithhonor [2018-02-22 02:03:55 +0000 UTC]

true. it's good advice! i think i'll send in my application within the coming weeks.

i get that. i think, living in hawaii, where there's a forest of breezy palm fronds to stare at and listen to for hours, i'd feel similarly.  

everyone says that about opportunities--ignore the fear and go for it. trying to prep myself for circumstances where there's lots to gain and lose so i can earn life experience points. thanks for the support!  

that is GOOD to hear. there's less stopping me now. but the expense is another worry: is it hard to get by? can you put money away while remaining comfortable? what's the minimum livable salary, in your professional and personal opinion?

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successwithhonor In reply to KaitForest [2018-02-22 07:04:23 +0000 UTC]

(((achievement unlocked: life experience +50)))

i feel like jumping into the abyss isn't going to become any easier as we age ?? lol. not that it's quite an abyss (my inner poet is getting ahold of my tongue )

it's important to plan, or at least think things through. this is coming from the world's most impulsive person, haha.
but i also think it's important not to become so married to expectations as to base your success/happiness on them.  that's the true balancing act.

i wouldn't say it's hard. as with everywhere i think it's about responsibility (and us being whities doesn't hurt, be that as it may). but it all depends on the opportunities. there's quite a fair deal of poverty here, a lot of which being hawaiian natives (which is just a much more in-your-face acknowledgement of the imperialism this nation is built upon). it adds an interesting but quite heartbreaking dynamic.  minimum (obviously not bare minimum, because skeleton stuff like that is just impractical/shitty. not that people can't and don't make it work), i'd shoot for at least 35k before taxes. most jobs (mine included) bump up salary offers to account for living expenses, particularly if they are mainland companies.  if you're trying to save (which i think we probs all should be), i'd definitely want to shoot for 40 or above. but that's just like, my opinion, man

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KaitForest In reply to successwithhonor [2018-03-14 05:17:27 +0000 UTC]

oh my GOD i thought i responded TO THIS FOREVER AGO WHAT THE HECK

i've thought long and hard about your input. you make great points (specifically about imperialism and impoverished minorities). 35k is a doable salary! strangely, the week i was preparing my application, i got accepted to alaska for an MFA. you've been there, haven't you??? (i think it was you that said you've been there) (i'm following you around the globe)

if it was you, please list your thoughts about that state next thank u for wasting your time educating me. u r the best. 

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successwithhonor In reply to KaitForest [2018-03-14 08:21:43 +0000 UTC]

LOL. alas it was me!! (i'm blushing)
queue the run-on:

my twin bro is a charter fishing captain there in the summertime, so i usually manage a trip.  i also worked there for a summer, thoug doing nothing remotely as cool.  alaska is absolutely incredible tho— i mean like i think most people conceive of it that way, but it truly is in such a pure, magical, free way. denali is probably one of my favorite places i've ever been on this planet.  that being said, the alaska experience is very hit/miss, depending on where in the state you are. i'm assuming you'll be at UAA? anchorage is sort of meh in my opinion, not because of scenery (not not though, comparatively), but it's just like the breeding ground of mainland corporations which i detest.  that being said, it's quite accessible and serves as a good starting/jumping point for the rest of the state.  the seward highway (heading south down the kenai penninsula) is a dream. ummmmmm what elsse (??). as far as living expenses go, alaska is quite comparable to hawaii. that is to say quite expensive. perhaps not so much as hawaii in certain regards, but definitely much higher than what you're probably used to.  interestingly enough, the indigenous population dynamic there is its own beast, and quite different from anywhere else in the country (that convo is probably for a different setting) (am i rambling? totes rambling). also, winters are rough. i've never been for one (nor do i really care to), but from what i've heard they can be incredibly long/depressing. though as a florida boy, this might frighten me much more than you lol.  ALSO this may seem like an odd statement to include, but YOU WILL GET A LOT OF ATTENTION. the man/female ratio is like 9/1. not sure what your romantic situation is, but regardless you being an attractive/intelligent/driven young woman will have you subjected to a lot of, shall we say, borderline(and also v not borderline) harassment. i mean, not that men aren't pigs everywhere. just that there's an added element of objectification/sexism i think. 

all in all, don't let me discourage you! alaska is an incredible opportunity. what are your thoughts/feelings about next steps? 
and no time waste here. i'm genuinely v excited for you

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KaitForest In reply to successwithhonor [2018-03-17 22:09:06 +0000 UTC]

twin bro? there's two of you?

that's super cool! I heard Alaska in the summer is amazing. I looked up photos and am quite amazed myself. if I did go, I would be in Fairbanks, actually, which is dead-center of the state and a bit landlocked. I did a minute of google-maps walking and was deterred by the flatness. I'm afraid of flat terrain. It's terrifying, for starters, and isolating. I only find it enchanting in the south where it's also warm, and they have more hills than Fairbanks does, so that isn't too reassuring. It's in a whole other world it seems, being so far north and separated from the country. I did see a lot of corporate influence in Fairbanks too, with the occasional trading post (how cute). I felt similarly when I visited Phoenix--having visited different parts of Arizona and found it heavily influenced by the mix of cultures (as it should be), I was disappointed to find the entire valley (one of the largest, mind you) suffocated by subdivisions and commercialized shopping centers. no family run Mexican or Native anything for miles. a shame, considering cities as small as mine pay homage to the various ethnicities that make up the population. Juneau looks HEAVENLY tho. I wish I had gotten accepted somewhere there ;~; 

I did notice the diverse native population (a bit obvious when applying, as the "race/ehtnicity" drop-down menu is about forty options long). I hope not too big of a beast? if I'm not mistaken, Canada on the whole is comparable in terms of it's ethnic variety, considering much of their native population survived certain genocides (unlike US natives) and were given a sizable package of land and rights. as for the winters, that is perhaps my biggest decider ;~; I used to love winters, but after the months of darkness and negative windchills in my city I almost want to commit somewhere permanently warm. 

you are not the first to tell me this! haha. how strange. I wonder why there are no women???? where did they go??

thanks for your advice!! i rlly appreciate it <3  

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successwithhonor In reply to KaitForest [2018-03-19 07:21:07 +0000 UTC]

LOL  ((my cover is blown)). yes. although we're fraternal and certainly our own people. most people don't notice or just think we're brothers.

alaska summer is wonderful. so bright and alive. literally everything is a postcard. i've never been to fairbanks. from what i've heard, it's kind of meh. but better than anchorage i think. and definitely still alaska. lol! what a fascinating fear (i hope that doesn't come across as condescending). being in a valley, there's definitely elevation gains outside the city, though. most of the large cities in alaska are pretty rife with corporate influence, unfortunately. interesting that you say that about juneau. it's quite wet over there, and most alaskans i've met detest it as not a "real" alaskan city (it basically became capital as a fluke, and has only remained such because politicians have bought a bunch of land there and see it as their little playground, it being quite difficult for most alaskans to get to).

definitely not too big of a beast. i think it's important to learn about/enter the conversation with any native populations in a new place. yeah, the US government struck a deal, if you will, with the alaskan native peoples quite early, and relative to their mainland counterparts, have fared quite well (that's definitely relative though, and there's an important conversation to be had regarding the success of truly supporting those populations). if permanently warm is in your gameplan, i don't think alaska is the place for you. lol. ((((obvious statement is obvious))). any other options on your horizon?

tbh i'm not sure. it may have something to do with industry and jobs, ost of which historically are male-dominated and extractive, reliant on physical labor.  that being said, most of the women i've met in the state are total badass, driven, empowered people. so that's definitely a cool dynamic.

anytime!! like i said, i'm quite excited for this jumping off journey of yours

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KaitForest In reply to successwithhonor [2018-03-22 03:29:21 +0000 UTC]

that’s still very cool. my sister and i are often mistaken for twins and it feels strange for me. does it feel strange for you?

alaska looks unreal ;~; fairbanks is frightening, lol. my city is very hilly and having been ill-traveled my whole life i was shocked to learn how flat some places are. for instance, the rest of ohio which depresses me. even columbus a little, although it has enough quirks to distract from the flatness. 

i didn’t know that about juneau! i feel a bit ashamed (it’s just so gorgeous tho ;~ i love hills and trees. hills and palm trees too. i also love that you know so much about the native social dynamic of both states. i meet a lot of people who visit both states frequently and somehow remain completely oblivious to the issues. ALTHOUGH permanent warmth IS in my game plan, once upon a time permanent cold WAS, and moving to alaska was on a long list of life goals. perhaps i could overcome the cold? faux-sun-lamp style? 

there are, actually! i was waitlisted at the university of arkansas in fayetteville. it has hills, a modest population size (a little concerning), and very realistic living costs (which shocks me? i didn’t know places could be so cheap). if i do end up getting accepted, i will take that offer over fairbanks. and if i end up staying on that waitlist, i’m still aiming for hawaii. if theyll have me. i dunno.

anywho! enough of me, how’s hawaii treating you? where will you settle next?

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successwithhonor In reply to KaitForest [2018-03-22 03:55:06 +0000 UTC]

you know, it's all i've ever known. i'd describe it like having a live-in best friend for your whole life. lol. though we strayed apart a little in late middle school/early high school (mostly cause i was just a dick tbh), he's literally my favorite person on the planet.

i mean, the tallest point where i grew up (florida) is actually a landfill, soooooo. lmao. don't be ashamed! it's definitely still a destination for a reason! i'm also partial to the kenai, because that's where i've spent a vast majority of my time. but fairbanks is pretty close to denali (at least by AK standards), which is one of the most awe-inspiring places i've ever been. there's also quite a few trees in the state as well! haha. i do try to know things i think it's pretty easy to live within your privilege, because it's comfortable and non-threatening there. but that's not how i want to live my life.

lol if that's the case, i say don't let that dynamic (harsh winters) be your deterrent. living in alaska is quite an opportunity (((+another 50 life points))). i have no doubt that you'd adjust, particularly coming from a place that already has its bouts with the cold.

oooooh the south is incredibly cheap. lol. but bc a lot of people are leaving. in many ways it's still trying really really hard to cling to its old identity, which nowadays is just backward and stubbornly dense.  that's just my perspective tho. college towns always fair better tho, since there's an influx of students/young people. tbh i really know nothing about arkansas. never been. have you applied to hawaii? were you looking at mfa programs at the U of H or just tfa? either one is pretty neat.  ((((don't sell yourself short, kid ))))

hawaii is good. definitely in grind mode still i think, but i have no qualms. i'm oddly content w stability for the first time in my life which i think is a good thing (?). considering i'm salaried, i think there's a fair chance that i'll be here for a little while. ((which probably means i should make some friends..)). i guess i've never really looked at things like settling. i'm definitely still in that life phase where i'm rolling with the punches, seeing if things fit. i lovelovelove to travel though, so i'm hoping this will be a decent jumping off place in the meantime

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KaitForest In reply to successwithhonor [2018-04-01 18:34:16 +0000 UTC]

a live in best friend ;~; i love it. i have a similar relationship with my siblings. no twin--but my sisters and I have a very secret, impenetrable relationship that hardened from years of abuse that we didn't realize would ostracize us in adulthood. we sorta... know? what each other is feeling? and how hard simple life tasks are, like socializing, and trusting, and existing, in spite of the damage? it is one of the greatest things in my life and i'm so happy for it. like a little support group, only deeper, because they were there, they know, validate and console, etc.

i'm badly wanting to travel to alaska now. they've offered funding, which makes the decision, including a chance to study under gerri brightwell (sobs) (she is me in menopause form), even harder--if it wasn't for the dry cabins, and the winters, and the lack of backdropped mountains, i'd do it. i have only become so stingy with landscapes in adulthood. as a child i'd probably give anything to live in the woods without plumbing and access to people. at a certain depth of desire i do want that, but having traveled more broadly i know what i can and cannot do, and as a female i have very FRUSTRATING and UNFORTUNATE limits that will have to wait for a removal to be able to handle such stark conditions. i'll spare details and leave that there. 

"i think it's pretty easy to live within your privilege, because it's comfortable and non-threatening there. but that's not how i want to live my life." that is so good. yes. 

i'm strangely partial to the south. is that bad? stubborn morals, and narrow-minded visions of the future (aka holy roman empire feels, with autocratic popes and lots of dead people and stifled information). but a lot of this has to do with the dissolution of southern power after the civil war (which american power, pre-war, leaned slightly southward, thanks to agriculture and slaves). the civil war did not begin because of slaves, unfortunately, on either side, and sherman's march to the sea was not in the name of abolitionism, as modern history books claim. it was done entirely to dismantle the south, and bring power northward, towards washington, where the politicians lived. this led to a social and monetary neglect that pervaded the south until modern times (for instance, FDR was aghast to learn the majority of schools in the south were underfunded and without electricity, which is why he is known for bringing "light" to the south). this neglect unfortunately leads to a lack of education that breads into generations. but if the south was built to the standards of the north post-war, would they be as uneducated now? they hold a large stake in american culture, a dialect of english that is a linguistic dream for being particularly musical and a pidgin of various cultures and races, most predominantly african. and the food. and the hospitality. i'm not by any means excusing the state of the south today. and the rampant racism is a bit frightening. but it certainly isn't unilateral. thank god for college towns and big southern cities! (and florida, lool)

(so sorry for the rant)

unfortunately my MFA research is limited to fully funded universities (yay 4 poverty) and that list is short ): i did not see UH on the list, or any hawaiian school (break my heart) that offers a funded degree, but i'll look into it more. 

that's good! TBH the best part about living somewhere different is the possibility of a remote love interest. ha! that's my fantasy. get u a someone, marry them, have kids, ignore ur past life,,,,,, etc. 

any places you plan on traveling to soon?

(i am so sorry for how long this message is, it's my first off day in a long time and also i've had caffeine. forgive.)

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successwithhonor In reply to KaitForest [2018-04-02 07:51:17 +0000 UTC]

i understand. there is definitely something about shared trauma that creates a sort of intimacy that couldn't otherwise be built. there's quite a power to shared experience, be them good or bad.

dry cabins? as in no plumbing?? O WOW. that's sort of a big deal. even for me as a pretty low maintenance male. that's really a big ask from a university, tbh.  that definitely challenges the experience, i'd say.

it's not bad. having a large extended family that primarily resides in the south, i too am partial.  but i do have to disagree with you here. the civil war very much began because of slavery. jefferson davis, the president of the confederacy, has an entire backog of quotes about how morally wrong it was to deny white men the power to own their god-given property (ie slaves). given that a vast majority of the south was uneducated (and there was a fairly large population of non-slave-owning whites), it was an easy ploy to market the conflict as a protection of the homeland and the southern way of life.  in many ways, the balance of power in the nation shifted more than a decade before the civil war began, with booming urban population centers, expanding infrastructure, and, most importantly, the industrialization that led to a shift towards higher-skilled labor sectors.  add in the french cultural influence regarding human rights and morality, and the abolitionist movement gained a lot of steam. the south was sort of stuck in its old ways, and was unable/unwilling to adapt.  not to say that they had much of an alternative, just that they very much responded with a resounding "these here slaves were given to us by god and you can't take them away."  now by the time sherman came around, i agree with you. war has a tendency to bring out the absolute worst in people, and there very much was a smiting to be had. (granted, in terms of military strategy there was a seeming necessity to destroy infrastructure/raw material production so that the south didn't have the means to cause another war or insurrection).  it's also v important to note that during reconstruction, a prerequisite to receiving federal aid was the ratification of the 13th amendment, which many southern states refused to do, and thus suffered greatly. actually, i think mississippi JUST ratified it a couple of years ago (obvi the federal government has been giving them aid anyway tho).

sorry. i'm a bit of a history buff, and considering my family ties, find it frustrating that there's been this recent resurgence of apologists for their predicament/this southern pride bullshit, esp from people who have never before been to the south (i am definitely not calling you out lol. i've had people from alaska and oregon try and argue this shit, like ffs).  to me it's like saying nazis were permissible because a lot of them didn't actually hate jews but were fighting for the glory of their country.  

but you definitely have a point. my response is just that the south had a great deal of say in mitigating the circumstances that are now destroying them, and didn't, for the sake of a backwards morality and stubornness.  even today, there's quite a bit of political hypocrisy, and even now, the sense of white indignation and ignorance is laughably palpable. i hope that didn't come across too aggressively lol.

in my opinion, all true american culture is black culture. the food, music, and even art that is identifiable as american in origin is all a product of black culture in america. in an america that largely doesn't care for them.  (that's my lil piece).

in that sense, there is a wonderful richness of  culture in the south that i think is absolutely wonderful.
anywho, it sounds like you're very much leaning towards arkansas. what else is on your list? any other notables?

and LOL! a remote love interest, huh? that's quite novelesque.  (((you know you can ignore your past life w/o making the rash decisions of marriage and childbirth )))

i'm definitely going to alaska at the end of the summer for my (seemingly) annual trip. but africa is definitely next as far as big trips go. i want to do at least South Africa, Madagascar, and Uganda. but i don't think i'll have the freedom to do something liek that until well into next year.

(((((apologizing to me for ranting? pshh. i think i managed to beat you anyway haha. not that it's a competition )))))

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KaitForest In reply to comatose-comet [2015-11-20 02:48:15 +0000 UTC]

you're lovely. (and a new face)
thank you.

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KaitForest In reply to HippieHebe [2015-11-20 02:48:40 +0000 UTC]

i've missed yours <3 clearly, haha

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HippieHebe In reply to KaitForest [2015-11-23 22:44:51 +0000 UTC]

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KaitForest In reply to Soupfries [2015-11-20 02:49:13 +0000 UTC]

i've kept this unanswered in my messages for so long because it's the best compliment i've ever been given

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KaitForest In reply to Nichrysalis [2015-04-04 20:13:08 +0000 UTC]

what's true?

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Nichrysalis In reply to KaitForest [2015-04-04 20:22:49 +0000 UTC]

your recent journal.

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KaitForest In reply to Nichrysalis [2015-04-04 20:27:33 +0000 UTC]

ah. isn't it?

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Nichrysalis In reply to KaitForest [2015-04-04 20:31:30 +0000 UTC]

Yes, very much so, which is why I was compelled to let you know I agreed.

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KaitForest In reply to Nichrysalis [2015-04-04 21:13:33 +0000 UTC]

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KaitForest In reply to nawkaman [2015-02-20 04:20:33 +0000 UTC]

thanks

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KaitForest In reply to spartan-locke [2015-02-20 04:20:04 +0000 UTC]

thank you!

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KaitForest In reply to brokengod--veins [2015-02-20 04:19:53 +0000 UTC]

thank you!!

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KaitForest In reply to SRSmith [2015-02-20 04:19:40 +0000 UTC]

thanks! 

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SRSmith In reply to KaitForest [2015-02-20 15:03:00 +0000 UTC]

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KaitForest In reply to ithaswhatitisnt [2015-02-20 04:19:22 +0000 UTC]

thank you lovely!!

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